One of my worst flaws is that I'm a procrastinator.... AND... I am really good at it. I can put things off until the last minute with the best of them. I tell myself I work better under pressure, but I know it causes me a lot of stress and anxiety until I get it done... which maayybe at 2 am. I think one reason I procrastinate is when tasks feel large and overwhelming, I don't know where to start! And, sometimes it's because I get stuck in the middle uncertain about how to proceed.
I've been doing it since high school. I was up typing that research paper on my little electric typewriter until well past midnight the night before it was due. Oh, remember the bottles of white out with the little paint brush? I bet I used a whole bottle! I'm sure that perfectionism doesn't work in my favor, either. I like things to be done right, and I'll correct it as many times as it takes to make sure it looks like I never had to use that little paint brush at all (which never worked because the layers would build-up and sometimes even crack!).
But, procrastination - perfectionism, and having to be in control - is a symptom of a greater issue - self-sabotaging myself from realizing success. It may surprise some people that I struggle with this at all. I myself feel like I'm a pretty accomplished person. A friend and I joked whenever we worked together that we were "fly by the seat of my pants kind of girls". I would consider her to be quite accomplished, too! Yes, sometimes I have too much on my plate. Most often, my fear of failure and lack of progress is actually setting me up for the failure I'm trying to avoid. At least if I procrastinate, then I'm in control of my demise and gradual downward slide rather than actually failing. It becomes an excuse to stop trying - my out.
There is something really scary about working really hard for something and not succeeding. I've been doing things this way for a long time without really giving it much thought. I'm still a work in progress but learning to embrace failures as one step toward learning what doesn't work. Just because you don't get it ALL right your first try, doesn't mean it's a fail.
Conquering self-sabotage and changing the way you think about failure can happen. We don't climb a mountain in one giant leap. It takes a lot of steps and preparation to scale to the top. It's no different with any goal we're working to achieve. Let's face it, change is hard. I've had clients come to me after a weekend with family and think they totally failed following their plan. I hear about all the good they did, but the whole weekend is a failure because at one meal they fell victim to temptation. Yes, they opted for a salad AND ate one slice of pizza the family ordered. I soon discover they would usually eat 3-4 slices of pizza and not think a thing about it. They don't see the success because they had ONE slice of delicious pizza. But, they never would've had that salad before. That's a big change! That deserves to be recognized and celebrated! Now, build on that success to start practicing more change.
We have to be able to give ourselves some grace. I've found that everyone is so hard on themselves when they don't do as well as they would like. It's okay. We have to be and talk to ourselves like a friend. I'm thankful I have friends that I can ask, "What in the world were you thinking?" when they did something stupid. But, if I see they're feeling defeated, I don't continue to beat them up. I wouldn't have many friends if I did! No, I'm going to give them grace, point out the positives, love on them and encourage them to do better next time.
Pro athletes at the top of their game have coaches and trainers. Corporate executives have life coaches and business advisers. These successful people aren't doing it alone. It's not a weakness to ask for help. You may need a coach in your corner, too, to overcome self-sabotage. It's a difficult road and can seem overwhelming. Dani at InCourage Health LLC will break down the issue, talk strategy, point out your positives, build you up and prepare you for the next challenge. It won't happen in one big leap, but with small steps forward, learning from setbacks, and more steps forward, you can have the confidence to persevere. Visit www.incourage-health.com to contact Dani and to get started on your journey toward a healthier and happier you.
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